The Rooster’s Fairy Tale
Director: Susi Ganeshan
Cast: ‘Superhero’ Chiyaan Vikram, Shriya Saran
Genre: Superhero (supposedly)
Rating: ZERO out of ten million stars shining bright in the sky
When Alice In Chains sang “Yeah! Here comes the rooster!” way back in 1993, little did they know that Susi Ganeshan would make their dreams come true. Yeah! Here comes the rooster! KANDHASWAMY!
“Mexico-la Pichumaniya theriyaadha aalae illa” which means “There’s no one in Mexico who doesn’t know me, Pichumani” is the best dialogue written by Susi Ganeshan. The dialogue and the speaker make no connection. The guy (Alex) who looks like a beggar, dresses in those fine silk suits. But, that’s what Susi Ganeshan is telling us. A person who credits himself five times in the opening credits – Beginning with ‘A Film By Susi Ganeshan’ and then ‘Story By Susi Ganeshan’, ‘Screenplay By Susi Ganeshan’, ‘Dialogues By Susi Ganeshan’ and finally ends with ‘A Susi Ganeshan Film’. Think of the levels of brainwash performed by this man.
Villu was a film which made history. History as the worst film ever made with a BIG budget. Its predecessor was Kuruvi which still holds the record for the Best Long Jump (from a rooftop to the train running on the bridge erected on River Cooum. The distance between the two would probably be half a kilometer) but Kuruvi lost the award for the best fight scene to Villu where, Vijay is buried in a Texas Funeral and he digs himself out and fights the baddies to death. Both the films were nominated for Best Villain but lost to Ajith Kumar’s Aegan where Suman became the most funniest and pathetic villain. Villu was nominated for the best heart-stopping dialogue “Avan yaaru theriyuma! Avan appa yaaru theriyuma!” Which means “Do you know who he is! Do you know who his father is!” And do note that there’s no question mark, there’s an exclamation mark!
Well, all this effort has gone waste. Kandhaswamy definitely has the longest jump, and it’s performed by Shriya Saran, who jumps from the traffic signal (and mind it, there’s no run up or anything, she just jumps like Spiderman) to the back seat of a bike which probably would’ve crossed the city limits by the time she finishes flying in the air, people finish staring with their dropped jaws and the multiple editing cuts. Kandhaswamy also wins the Best Fight Scene. But, the Academy has decided to share it between two. Both scenes are from the same film. The first one is where thugs come running at the speed of Schumacher’s Ferrari and our man leaves way for the high-speed thugs to go past and hit the tree behind (and trust me, there’s always a tree behind). The second is the jaw dropping fight scene in a field in Mexico. This fight being arranged by Mexico Pichumani features a blindfolded and handcuffed Kandhaswamy who is about to get killed by seven gunmen standing around him with one gun in each hand. So, it’s a total of seven guns. But, an SUV comes through sending the seven men bouncing away and when it comes near our man, he lies flat on his back and the car goes over him. Yet, like The Matrix (Nope, Keanu Reeves is no match to our man) he gets up in a second. He then “hears” the footsteps of his attackers and much like the other fight scene, he avoids all the moves making the seven gunmen tired and panting. Wait a second, did I say seven GUNmen? Yes I did. The seven guns went missing after their bounce and Scotland Yard must be hired to find the missing guns. Our man still blindfolded and handcuffed does the neat trick of hitting everyone. Best Villain Award also goes to Kandhaswamy for our man, Mexico Pichumani. The Heart Stopping Dialogue Award goes to Kandhaswamy and it is spoken by Vikram when he asks Mumaith Khan, how much the antagonist had paid her for a private dance and she replies ‘thirty lakhs’ (three million for all you western people). To this Vikram says “That could’ve helped 200 families stay out of starvation for a month”. Kandhaswamy also wins the award for longest running comedy film. It has a running time of 200 minutes and it’s not Vadivelu who makes you laugh.
Kandhaswamy and Sivaji are interrelated. In Sivaji, Rajnikanth is a normal lad who steals money from the rich and cunning while in Kandhaswamy, Vikram is a CBI officer who raids first and then steals from the rich and cunning. Kandhaswamy shows that Global Recession is also affecting actors. Vikram does the rooster’s wakeup call when he dons the mettle of Kandhaswamy which is seriously funny. Perhaps, he is no superhero at all. He is helped by eleven men and he can’t fly on his own. So, I take it back. Kandhaswamy isn’t a superhero movie.
Susi Ganeshan is really clever. He knew that the film would make us sleep. Hence, he brought in the rooster attire superhero to wake us up like a morning call. Moreover, he has Devisri Prasad aiding the wake up alarm with his sore and blatant vocals. The choreography seems to have been copied from kids. Maybe, Susi Ganeshan was true to his word and tried to attract the kids in at least one scene.
If there’s a movie you can use as an example for ‘how not to mess around and waste 40 crores (or 400 million) rupees’, it’s Kandhaswamy.
Don’t waste your money like how I did. Save your precious money. You can help a family not die of starvation for a day at least.