A bad day for Lakshmi Rai, but, then again, when did she have a good one.
Disclaimer: I don't proofread right away. So, spellos or grammatical errors might exist as a result of the reviewer's laziness.
Early in the 2021 film, Cinderella – not to be confused with the other 2021 film of the same name and starring Camila Cabello – a cop who hasn’t yet mastered the art of looking cool while wearing aviator sunglasses, says the following to a possible murder suspect, “Do you know the word a cop hates the most in the world? It’s ‘I don’t know anything.'” Firstly, – and not to be a stickler, but – that’s four words and if the suspect elongates the don’t into a do not as in “I do not know anything,” that’s five. Get your math right, cop! What’s more infuriating is that the cop goes on to choke her in an attempt to make the rather attractive suspect confess to the murder. Did someone order unnecessary police brutality with a side of fries? What’s the murder? Another cop is lured into the Kodaikanal woods and has his head forcefully removed by a ghost of the female persuasion. This ghost is dressed as a lady constable and her face and eyes are completely painted white. Ooooh! So scary…
The rather attractive murder suspect is Akira (anime flashback intensifies) played by Lakshmi Rai under the superstitious identity of Raai Laxmi. This makes me wonder as to what the name change has offered her? When Tamanna changed her name to Tammannaah, she was already on the path to greater fame. So, was it the name alteration or her recognition that gave her all that glory? Tis an eternal question, mi amigo. I will admit that whenever I see a photograph of Tammannaah from Baahubali, I can’t help but go Tammannaaaaaaah. Excuse-moi for my horniness.
Side note: Akira is spelt Akhira on a birthday cake and that makes me wonder if Akira too had a name alteration. What luck was she looking for? She’s a musician by hobby, she’s well-off and she’s played by Lakshmi Rai. So, what gives, Akhira?
At this juncture, you might ask: when it’s clearly a ghost that killed the cop, how did the blame fall on Akhira? Well, I’ll tell you how. Sniffer Labrador Retrievers trace Akhira’s scent from the crime scene in the jungle all the way to her bedroom. Move over Air Bud, we’ve got better Labs in Tamil Cinema. These dogs not only deserve a medal but perhaps a name change for catching Raai Laxmi. I’m thinking, Naai Laxmi.
We’re told that Lakshmi Rai’s Akhira is in a band and she completes the look with black clothes and a skull cap in the present timeline and pastel threads completed with a beret in flashbacks. Her hair on the other hand keeps changing colour. Move over mood rings, Akhira’s got mood hair. However, no rockstar look is complete without additional accessories and Akhira’s got eyebrow piercings, septum nose rings, tattoos and a gaunt look that’ll make a heroin chic Kate Moss feel overweight. I must confess: Lakshmi Rai was rather attractive in this movie.
And, what about our rights-violating cop? He’s told by a judge to treat the suspect with respect during the course of interrogation (which includes psychological evaluation and polygraph) but Akhira is manhandled and physically assaulted by two stereotypical hijras in the very next scene. So, was Akhira transhandled then? What do these hijras want? To find out why she killed their son. Their son? Hold the phone! Are you telling me that the cop from the beginning of the movie was born to two hijras or is this purely metaphorical? Was the cop good to the hijras that they adopted him as their offspring? I have so many questions that don’t find the answers that I desperately wanted. As the hijras continue their assault on our poor heroine, they demand to know why Akhira would “kill” their so-called son. As this takes place, one of the hijras pinches whatever flesh he/she can find on her anorexic torso. So, the hijra “kills” (in the Tamil sense) Akhira to find out why she killed (in the English sense) their son. Come now, that’s pretty funny.
If this wasn’t enough, Lakshmi Rai gets choked again by the “killer” hijra while the other hijra starts a chainsaw. I repeat, the other hijra starts a chainsaw. There is a chainsaw in the police station and the hijras have it. As the aforementioned chainsaw nears Akhira’s terrified face, the lights pop up and it’s all revealed to be a ruse. You see, this was the psychological evaluation. No court-ordered psychologist or even a Sigmund Freud name drop in this movie; just pure torture. This is not what a psych evaluation is and at this point, I’m all strapped in for a wild ride.
And if you think that the so-called psych evaluation is over, it isn’t. The cop decides to violate some more rights and takes Akhira to the top of a hill, points a gun to her head and forces a confession. I can’t expect accurate procedure from what’s starting to look more and more like an F-grade movie but, come on! The movie is way too stereotypical to be taken seriously and in many scenes, takes itself seriously so we cannot consider it to be a parody.
Cinderella is the kind of movie where even though Akhira explains in a voice-over that she worships the land her dad walks on and the two are seen sharing a congenial hug, supporting characters expulse lines such as “Father and daughter are very close. Isn’t that nice.” and “I wish my dad and I were this close.” We get it. They truly love each other. Akhira has already explained that in her voice-over. You don’t have to reinforce this with lines from z-list actors whose names we’ll never need to remember because their characters don’t matter to the story.
Sakshi Agarwal is also in this movie but I’m not sure if she knew she was. She can’t act and she does not wear the kind of clothes she does in those infamous photoshoots, so let’s not talk about her anymore. Akhira’s posse on the other hand consists of three men who don’t look like the kind of friends a well-off girl like Akhira would have (it’s the brutal truth), and a girl who is upset that the three men lust after other women but don’t acknowledge her. Jesus!
So, why is this movie called Cinderella? We arrive at a plot point involving a blue gown that’s possessed by a ghost. Is this a good looking gown? If I may steal a popular Ricky Gervais joke, the blue gown in this Cinderella can be compared to the blue ball gown from the other Cinderella films in the same way Kim Kardashian can be compared to Kate Middleton. It’s tacky, trashy, unoriginal and plastic. I, however, am thankful for something and it’s that much like most bad ghost movies (including those from the Kanchana Cinematic Universe), Cinderella does not scare you with its flaccid jump scares, which means that I can sleep tonight with the lights out.
I will conclude with this thought: seeing multiple characters choke Lakshmi Rai throughout the film is the only thing I might remember from the movie. I’m not sure why I’ll remember it but I’m sure that it’s not for the right reasons. I love this movie as much as I hate it.
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